Doomsday

I woke up in a sweat. I knew that today was the day. I've been dreading it for weeks, and now the day has come. I have to go...







I'm a new patient here. My old dentist retired and this guy was referred to me by a friend and boy am I glad!! This place is rockin'. State of the art equipment, high tech digital x-ray computer stuff. The works. This is my second visit. I need 2 new fillings. I guess my old 20-30 year old fillings are starting to crumble. Like the rest of me, but that's another story.

My new dentist is the nicest, kindest man. And he gives me gas.

No, you're gross. Not that kind of gas. Happy gas. Willie Wonka dream gas.

Most guys won't give you gas just for a routine cleaning. But my guy will. He's the best.

So why do I freak out?

Maybe it's this stuff...

OK...so now he's reading this and thinks I'm a total freak because I smuggled my camera in and took pictures of his dentist stuff when no one was looking.

Anyway, he gives me the gas and I think "OK Deb, think happy thoughts" and who pops into my head? No not Brad Pitt, or Mario Lopez, not even the aging Richard Gere. Dora. That bitch jumped right into my high. I smacked her and got back to listening to the banter between the dentist and the hygienist.

I haven't been this looped since the summer of '87.

More numbing...White knuckles, clenched fists, crossed legs. He said I looked uncomfortable. I guess I'm an open book. More numbing.

I wanted to join in the conversation. But I had the suction, and this rubber hammock thing in my mouth, which was actually a nice piece of dental apparatus. It stops the junk from going down your throat. I just gagged on it at my previous office. So, Dr. C...Kudos on the dental dam thingy.

Anyway, they were talking about the economy and gas prices and some local businesses that were going out of business. Come on Doc, you can't be surprised about that oriental rug place, I mean, whose going into a strip mall and paying 10K for an area rug? But the deli? Get out of town, I love that place.

And what site did you find the $59 airline tickets? Because after this, I need a vacation.

All finished. Not so bad. Now he thinks I'm a complete weirdo because I did this...





I dragged my enormous tongue and bottom lip out of there. Gotta go drool on a coffee.